every thought,
every song,
every feeling
that i've ever had with you..
will be in this blog.
(I love, hate, need, miss you)
Damn, I miss her.
I think im slowly starting to let you go.. because i feel like we will never be.. maybe in the future.. maybe we’ll end up being bestfriends.. or maybe this is goodbye.. if so.. i can honestly say i dont regret ever meeting you.. you’ve helped me more than you know. Without you there during that moment in time i honestly believe i wouldn’t be here today and i immensely thank you. Also thank you gor not only saving me but thank you for showing me how to feel and love. I will always remember you and i know you’ll cross my mind for time to time. If i ever have children ill be sure to tell them about you.. my first true love. You ‘ve always meant everything to me. My bestfriend, someone who i could go talk to and wont judge me. Who has my back. Who laughs and jokes with me. And on the other side my lover. Who has my whole heart. Btw i don’t regret giving it to you even though you broke it a couple of times but it was worth it because i got to fall in love with you over and over again. Which frankly doesn’t make sense. I like you yet i love you. Hm. I guess ehat im trying to say is ill always be here for you if you ever need me. Also, you will always have a piece of my heart.. whether i like it or not.. just be safe and enjoy life as much as possible.. and who lnows.. if its meant to be it will be.. :)i love you .. always remember that.
It’s all different now. I can feel the distance between us.. closing in more than ever before. We’ll be going off to college soon…. not together how I always hoped it be but in the end it’ll be for the best… right? And I know we are both different than we used to be … but I always hoped that our love would never die and once we met back up we’d get those feelings and emotions back to were we left off… all I ever wanted was to love you, hold you, and tell you how beautiful you truly are inside and out. I was never unfaithful, I was always true. I know im not prefect… and probably never will be but all I want now is back in your head.. tell me how to do that? I miss you. (I’m losing hope… I’m not giving up but it feels like I have because I’m not doing anything… sigh…why does this have to hurt so damn much.)
Fuck … why am i reading this shit… bringing this up from the past isnt good.. i guess I just wanted to remember all the good things we had… but we had a lot of bad too.. sigh.. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do anymore… I’ve replayed out all the scenarios of me going up there and letting you know I still care and think about you.. letting you know I’m ready and want to give us a shot.. or maybe just be friends.. i dont know… whatever would be best… or maybe call you first and let me know how you feel.. if you dont like me.. if you dont want me in your life.. or if you miss me.. and want me as much as i want to be with you… sigh.. I just dont know anymore.. you see.. we arent kids anymore.. are we even inlove like we used to be? All I know is..I have this emptiness..and only YOU can fill that emptiness inside of me.. you are my missing half.. my bestfriend… and i miss you so much. I just don’t understand why you did what you did… All i’m asking for is.. an answer. I wish you would talk to me. I wish I knew what you were thinking.. I wish I knew if I ever cross your mind.. Well.. If you happen to read this… Just know that I love you.. and I always will love you.. because you helped me grow into the person I am today.. and to be honest.. I really don’t think I would be living.. If it weren’t for you.. and i’m so very thankful… and maybe this isnt love… but for me… it feels like it.. and I know for a fact i’d do anything for you.. so in my mind… it’s gotta be you and only you… which makes it endless love…
You:
Ooooh and that last letter w/Am’z keeps runnen throgh my head lol
And i’ve decided shes a betch hah thats just me but rrly shes prob being a good friendie cauuuse
Shes just worried bout you an what not, but 4real im not a stalker/Ax-Murder/rapist/robber/pervvy ooold guy
or anything else i’ve failed ta mention lol
I’m just a sweeet (hah sumtimes) innocent 15 yr old grrl
Ahah!!!! Who am i kidding im a Awsome, dorky, animeloving, ammmmazing 15 ye ollld grrrl ;]
(with a waay amazing gf =D hah i loved the very first thing you EVER said to me =]
“Can i be your Amazing gf” lol annnd you are =])
Okay actully i think the first thing was Hi lol
So i loved the 2d thing u said rofl 
You:
Nope, i cant find my phone =[
I’m sooo sad, cause i rrly want to call you i’ve like searched the whole house
buuut i swear i heard it last night and it coulndt have been a dream lol
I heard it vibrating and last night it like freaked me out but then later on today im like
OMG! lol my sister was like what?
I think i know where my phone is!! hah
and she was like god rachel ur so dramatic that is so stupid haha sooo yeah
I’ll have like no idea if u did it or not lol and i wont even be able to see ur reaction hah =P
We’d rrly need sum cams to make it rrly fun then again who knowws hah =P
Hmmm i miss you… hope you get on, i just sent you a txt sooo yeah
Hah i dont even know my own phone #
…..Mmmmmm okay well….
ilu?
hah i dont rrly want to end this mesg but i have nuthen else to say sooo yeah lol
I LOVE YOU!!!!
hope i get to talk to you soon =]
For one… I’m totally tourchering myself.
I’ve already cryed 3 times.
For two… it’s taking forever to go through all these messages
and half of the shit we talked about in 2008 doesnt make any sense..
For three… My eyes hurt but I’ll keep doing this.
I’ve decided to only post the good ones for now… instead of every single conversation we ever had. (And if I did, it would probably take a couple years to do so. lol)
Fuck… This re-reading old conversations suck…. but yet make me smile and laugh…
fml. </3
Me:
Well ive been thinking about u all morning long =D & I’m missing you bg time =P
umm welll sadly i wont b on when you get on =/ ill be leaving in like 20mins cause im going out to eat for my cousins bday, i think were going to hooters? hm i hate that place they have sucky food there.
ummmm well hope u had fun in church =P lol probably not but i bet you anything that you had at least thought about me once in church =P
well i better go blow dry my hair and wat not.. i rlly miss uu.. ttyl<3
love yeah,
urrrr,
dork (ahah)<3
You:
Hah “have fun in church” hmmmm lets see here lol
Yeah i can rrly see that happening lol (not rrly srry love lol)
Aaaand actully just so u know lol I’m aaalways thinking about you in church lol
4real like i have nothing else to think about and the sermins r sooo boring that im usually always staring into
space thinking about you =] hah sooounds weird but yeah =P
Hah want to know sumthen funny??
So when i was younger… alright alright so maybe not when i was younger lol
i found out i was wrong like 2 yrs ago xD lol thats really sad lol
But anyway i used to think hooters was a strips club that fat men went to an kinky girl lmao
And so when i heard that before prom my older brother was going there i like flipped out LMAO!
I was like OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!! lol Abe ur such a perv lmao
He was like (insert name) Shut UP! lol and for like 2 months afterwards i thought him and his friends were gross
LMAO! I’m sooo silly =P And when i told my friend what i thought the place was lol
Shes was like omg rachel lol and it took her like 5 mins before she could tell me what it was lol
Cause she was laughing sooooo much =P
Rowkay (hah im having fun trying to come up with another mmk lol this one reminds me of SCOOBY (OOBIE) DOOO!! <3)
I Ruv Scooby! =P lol
Anywho i wuv u, i wuv u, i wuv you =] =] =]
Lots of love~ (insert name) Xox =] <3
You:
(wow i realized i opened this but then you came online and i never read it)
lol i cant believe you like my laugh people say it sounds weird & so i started not to laugh but then
i was like wth who cares about them dumb bitches lol =P
(hah i cant believe u like anything bout my voice im the one in love with ur voice xD
its so cute, and pretty its like replaying in my head right now, but i totally have to talk to you soon so i dont forget it =P)
Wow is it just me or do i use the word totaly too much ???? cause i usually dont use it, but with you i kinda cant help it lol And if u want to go to that concert thingy (Rascle flats is playing soon and i could get us tickets if u wanted)
(hah if we ever did meet in real life i would be totally be nervouse at first xD lmao)
But dont worry that’d only be for like the first idk 5 mins maybe who knows but i’d be waaay excited if u came
hah i rrly want to hold you and just make a night of it and we could go and do whatev you wanted ^_^
(even if it was illigeal i’d tot ally do it for you ahaha)
Well okay i kinda retract that cause idk how good i’d be @ robbing a bank.. Hmmm
Oooo but then if i did we’d have to runaway to mexico to escape ahahah so yeah sure anything lol =] =P
Okiedokie (hah Hmmm idk if i like the word “oh” well i’ll make up a superawesome word and be like hah and ppl will be waaay jelouse they’ll be begging me to use it Muahahah lol =P (haha so maybee i exagerate lol) But it’ll be waaay cool 
(see my cool glasses lol)
Anyway i guess i should say goodnight lol because i think if i make it anylonger I will be breaking the
Maximum amout of space ur leaglly allowed to send =P (hah i wonder if that makes any sense)
Well dream bout me tonight love =P (hehe)
Love you lots (and lots and lots)
xox ~ Your beloved
(Hmmm beloved sounds kinda weird lets try that again lol)
xox~ (insert name)
(Hmmm)
Xox~ (insert name)
(Hmm maybe lol)
Yikes! i need to stop lol
XOX!!! (XxXxXx)
